Okay, so here’s the deal. I was 220. I lost weight. I was 171. I gained weight back. Am now 208. That’s right, I actually posted the for real numbers. I know what you’re thinking. If I put 208 then I’m like 250 or something. But really, 208. Trust me, that’s bad enough on my body……

So, I hear you say, what happened? If only I knew. One day I was fat. Well, for a lot of days actually, but one day I really realized it. So I did Slimfast and I was starving all the damn time. So I did Atkins. I still owe my friends and family an apology for what a horrible BIT-CA I was during that three weeks of deprivation and misery. And then came Weight Watchers.

I’m cheap, and poor, so instead of going to the meetings I bummed all the info off of my friend (who goes to meetings) and my Mom (who joined online). I got the hang of it pretty quickly, and I started losing weight like crazy. I wasn’t even exercising, and I lost fifty pounds in like four months or something. I looked hot. Then I got married, still looking hot, and ***POOF***… The fat girl’s back.

I am completely an emotional eater… as long as bored, tired, and hyper count as emotions too. Really, I just eat. All the time. Sometimes when I’m not hungry. When I started to gain the weight back I noticed I had fallen back into my creepy fat girl habits, like buying candy at CVS and eating it in the car before anyone could catch me and then throwing the wrapper away while still in the parking lot so I could go home and talk about how hungry I was because I hadn’t eaten anything all day.

So now, I am trying again. I went to the grocery store. I made a meal plan. I counted my calories. I started on Tuesday. By Wednesday I had crashed and burned again. So I started again today. I did alright today, although I’m hungry and I didn’t go work out. I’ll try again tomorrow.

I thought about going to meetings. Then I realized that I might die of horror at being weighed in front of anyone else, and at the idea of being offered stickers and such for losing weight. Don’t give me stickers, dammit! Give me shoes, handbags, and gift cards to Nordstrom. Starbucks? Applebees?

I have no excuse not to exercise this time. My new apartment has a FREE exercise room that is like fifty feet from my (ground floor) front door. So maybe tomorrow…….