Once upon a time, I spent seven days laying in a hospital bed and begging the universe/god/buddha/zoroaster/anyone-who-was-listening for one thing. Just one thing.

In the days and weeks that immediately followed, I was angry and sad. I felt cheated. I asked. I begged. I pleaded. I offered up all sorts of trades and deals. I made promises. Through the rage and the grief, I forgot something.

I never asked for Aodin to stay. Not out loud anyway. Instead, I asked that whatever was best for HIM be done. Sometimes I wonder if I meant it. Would I take it all back? Would I trade?

No. Aodin has given me so much, taught me so much. Of course I wish he were here with me, but the truth is that those desperate requests in the hospital meant something after all. I just wanted what was best for my son. If it meant I didn’t get to keep him then I would gather up all of my considerable strength and soldier on without him.

I think I have done that. I think I have earned the right to ask for one small thing from the world.

Please, when we are ready and the time is right, please let the next one stay.

Angel of Hope