Futures

14 Jul
Future statue

"The Future," 1933-1935 - Designed and modeled by Robert I. Aitken; carved by the Piccirilli Brothers Company (source)

There’s something very weird and vaguely unsettling to me about the future.  And specifically, I mean MY future.  I am, and have always been, nearly incapable of picturing myself in a future place that is significantly different from where I am in the present.  When I try to think of myself as an old woman, I can’t and the effort makes me feel strangely disconnected from my current life.

That’s weird, right?  I remember being a kid and trying to picture myself as an adult, and I just couldn’t do it.  I am extremely tied to the current moment, the RIGHT NOW, and I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that things will be different.  I have always felt the same inside… I don’t feel any older now than I did in high school.  I remember high school pretty well still, and in my head I look back and see myself as the same person I am today.  Younger, yes… technically, but no different.  I recognize that I’ve had life experiences since then that have changed me, but at my core I feel like I’ve always been the same…

I don’t even know if this is making sense, but it’s something that’s been on my mind since Aaron and I started talking about a living will.  We want to make sure we’ve documented our wishes for Evi, but talking about it puts me in a weird place in my head because it forces me to seriously think about some future point in which I will not exist.  That shakes me, makes my skin feel crawly and my head unsettled.

Maybe it’s the ultimate arrogance… maybe my head is limited by my own humanity… but I think I’ll leave the future where it belongs.

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More from me:

The one where I malign water and everyone tells me I’m an idiot: Water, Water Everywhere?

Screwcap vs. Cork: which for wine?

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One Response to “Futures”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Water, Water Everywhere? « Skinny Sushi - July 14, 2010

    [...] Futures: Thinking about the future sort of bothers me. Is that weird? [...]

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