Three Weeks

28 Oct

Aodin has been gone for three weeks.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever stop counting the days, the weeks, the hours and minutes.  Technically, he has been gone for three weeks, one day, one hour and nine minutes – that was when we couldn’t find his heartbeat anymore.  He was born three weeks, seventeen hours and two minutes ago.

Today was, overall, really good for us.  We slept in, went to the gym, watched movies, went grocery shopping, ate a fabulous healthy dinner, and flirted our way through it all.  I felt calm and happy, reveling in time with my perfect husband.

My body has finally healed, at least from what I can see and feel.  I have to wait until November 28th to have medical confirmation that I am, once again, whole… at least physically.  I am restless for that appointment because I want to know that I am healthy.  There is also a chance, although a tiny one, that it may provide some answers.  More likely though is that we will never know the reason for our loss.

Instead, we are trying to think about all that we have gained.  My marriage has never been stronger.  My body, and my husband’s as well, grows stronger every day because of good food and regular exercise.  My heart is more full of love than it ever was before, if also aching.  My mind has found peace, no longer struggling so hard to make the world make sense but more content to simply make my life a happy one.  My soul knows that my son is safe and sound with others who love him.

Tomorrow I go back to work…  I’m sure I’ll blog again from there with updates.  I expect to make it through the day just fine, if unnecessarily tired.

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2 Responses to “Three Weeks”

  1. christavswonderwoman October 29, 2007 at 12:39 am #

    Good luck tomorrow, my love. Will be thinking of you all day and am looking forward to your updates on how it is going.

    So proud of you x

  2. Ruby October 29, 2007 at 8:09 am #

    I admire your strength and optimism so much, I hope the appointment a few weeks from now does indeed tell you that physically you’re whole and healty as well as providing you some anwsers. Good luck today on your first day back.

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