One Way Or Another

4 Feb

No ordinary wings I need, the sky itself will carry me back to you.Sara Bareilles

I have been thinking all day of the pros and cons of sticking to this diet.  All the pros are smart and well thought out, reasonable things that deal with my overall health and longterm happiness.  All the cons are emotional, knee-jerk reactions to momentary things.

So if the cons are such frivolous, unreasoned things, why are they so ridiculously difficult to ignore?  Why do they scream in my ear and make me want donuts and cheese fries?  How is it that they can overpower my intelligence, which I have never before had to refer to as wimpy?

Donuts and candy make me happy in the moment, and since I have been having less than my fair share of genuinely happy moments lately, I think I am craving the emotional foods more and more.  For a while I felt so much better, but lately I am just not doing well.

I have made the official decision to go back to the original set of meal plans, despite the fact that I was getting a little bored with them, and go from there.

I also looked up dance classes online today, though there aren’t very many that I can fit into my schedule.  I am still weighing options there, and wondering if I really want to subject myself to leotards and floor-to-ceiling mirrors again…..


5 Responses to “One Way Or Another”

  1. meg February 4, 2008 at 7:13 pm #

    This is so hard. I am struggling so much with the healthy eating thing. But I am doing o.k. for the time being. Tomorrow? Who knows, those cheese fries might be calling my name. Oh and I love donuts and candy too. Who doesn’t I ask you?!

  2. Rainypete February 5, 2008 at 7:03 am #

    The crap part about trying to diet is figuring out why food is such a comfort. Until you can get your brain to understand that cheese fries and donuts and such are bad for you then you’ll always have that battle. I know it well and am myself duking it out with the same issues. I’m slowly managing to reprogram my brain with alternative rewards that are going to replace the junk when I feel like I need a boost since I eat properly enough but ruin it with the junk and snack stuff.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself though because if you look to food for comfort then railing on yourself will only make you feel bad and send you right to the donut shop, which only feeds the cycle.

  3. Amy February 5, 2008 at 9:28 am #

    I have yet to do the healthy eating thing again. I need to start today! I had lost 20lbs before getting pregnant and gained that plus 6 more back!

    I couldn’t do the leotard thing as I might scare myself and others. (Picture Barbar’s girlfriend (elephant) in a tutu!)

    Good luck on finding your “diet” way!

  4. charmedgirl February 5, 2008 at 10:39 am #

    food is a drug. plain and simple. we use it to escape uncomfortable feelings, and for the love of god, there’s plenty of that these days, huh?

    those voices? the ones that tell you you need to have donuts and that those unreasoned reasons are really reasoable if you think about it? that’s called the shitty committee. you don’t have to listen to them.

    i find that it helps to not eat, even one bite, between meals. it’s either time to eat, or not time to eat. black and white.

    the ballet…i used to do adult ballet and you know what? i was thin and still worried about my ass in tights…and you know what else? everyone is more concerned about their own ass in tights…

  5. c. February 5, 2008 at 2:49 pm #

    It’s hard not to give in to the shitty committee as charmedgirl aptly refers to it. Who doesn’t like a yummy donut or in my case ketchup chips? It’s obviously easier to give in than to not. Surely, the emotions tied to losing our babies can’t be helping us much in our endeavour to eat better. If a bag of fattening potato chips can fill a few seconds of a life that, at the moment, feels so completely empty, fill me up.

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