Today’s Thoughts

20 Feb

An entire lifetime of love can be squeezed into a few brief miraculous moments when neccessary… – A Facebook friend

I received a message from a stranger on Facebook this morning. She found my page through a loss group. Sometimes it makes me a little sad to know that I am forging friendships with people based on a shared loss. If I could, I would wish away that loss for everyone else and never make another loss friend. I wish I could spare other people the pain somehow.

Clearly, I am feeling Aodin’s absence a little more today than most days. These days are always a little bit hard for me, but honestly not sad. I am quick to tears, but there is a sense of joy as well because often these days are the days when I really feel him here with me, in an almost physical sense.


There is something else I think I should talk about. In looking back over my blog I realized that I have often neglected a very important subject.

I love this man:
Dad Looks Innocent

I love him in part because he is also this man:
12.8.07 Gobblemas - Heather and Dad 12.9.06 Evil Elf Dad

I have not spent nearly enough time talking about my sweet Daddy. So now I will…

My Dad and I have not always gotten along. I am sure you’re shocked, because it is so odd for a teenager to not get along with her parents…

We fought a lot when I was a teenager. I thought he was grumpy, and he thought I was lazy. We were, of course, both right. But then I grew up and I began to realize something. With all of our faults, he loves me unconditionally and without requirements. He is the man who held me when, as a baby, I slept. He taught me to read, write, and do math so well that I skipped the first grade.

And he is the man who cried, openly and honestly, at the loss of his first grandson. He slept on couches in the hospital hallways, grabbing tiny moments of rest in the middle of a night of wandering the hospital for a moment’s peace. He and my mother stayed with me all day during the week I spent in the hospital, keeping me company when Aaron had to go to work. When we lost Aodin, my mother had to drive back to us so that my Dad, normally stoic and serious, could cry.

And last night, he called me out of the blue. He had gone to the fine arts museum near their house to check it out. When he found that they had a collection of ancient Greek and Roman artefacts, he called me to tell me how excited he was to take me there when I come to visit at the end of the month.

My Dad has a hard time with emotions sometimes, so I wonder if he knows how those little moments touch me. In that seemingly innocent little phone call, I heard him say that he loves me, that he misses me, and that he thinks of me often. I heard him tell me that he is excited to see me.

For all of this, and so much more, I love my Daddy. How could I not?
Daddy Cries


7 Responses to “Today’s Thoughts”

  1. Bre February 20, 2008 at 10:25 am #

    This is so very sweet! I’m a complete daddy’s girl too – mine does cute things like that (ok, not with Greek and Roman artifacts… usually with shoes…) and it’s so awesome!

  2. c. February 20, 2008 at 10:37 am #

    Oh, H. You are a sweet girl. Your daddy is surely proud of who you have become. His response to losing Aodin is truly heartbreaking and touching. It’s always so hard for our dads to see us hurt and just stand idly by and not be able to do anything.

    As for your new loss friend, I would take a 1 loss friend over a 100 regular ones. How sad, eh? Understanding IS everything…at least, for me. XO.

  3. irunwithscissors February 20, 2008 at 10:51 am #

    hey sis… way to make me cry before work! But your right! we have a wonderful daddy.. and I love him!

  4. Brandi February 20, 2008 at 11:43 am #

    This is such a beautiful post, Heather. You are incredibly lucky to have such a loving family and a genuine father. I hope you never take that for granted. This post brought tears to my eyes… thinking of a similar post I wish I could make about my dad. You aren’t just lucky… you are blessed. Love you!

  5. Dad February 20, 2008 at 12:06 pm #

    How sweet thank you, Love Dad

  6. Wondy February 20, 2008 at 2:06 pm #

    This is the most heartwrenching thing I have read it a while, partly because it is beautiful and partly because I don’t have what you have here, and I want it badly and always have.

    I love that you appreciate and adore this man so unconditionally, and that he loves you in exactly the same way – it’s the way it should be.

    Here’s to you both, H x x

  7. Amy February 20, 2008 at 11:00 pm #

    You are such a loving soul. That is so clear in all that you write. I am happy that you have a family you love. I am glad also that your family supports you the way they do and understands your loss. Daddy’s are very special people. I hope someday Shan can be one too!

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