Dear World, I Quit.

6 Mar

Lately I am having some genuine issues when it comes to remembering why it is that I keep getting out of bed in the mornings. I know that I have a precious family, a perfect husband, and wonderfully supportive friends.

I even have family members who are experts at harassing God.

So why can’t I get a fricking break? Yesterday, after scheduling my surgery, I discovered that I owe $5,000 MORE in student loans than I thought, thus bringing the full total (as of right now, before they have a chance to compound the interest again) to a whopping $110,000. This is on top of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. I have next to no savings. I have almost no retirement fund. The surgery is going to cost money.

So what does this mean? No iPod. No family reunion this summer. No trip to see my precious friend for her very first baby shower. No movies, no dinners out, no extra driving the car to see friends. No nothing. Every penny has to go toward paying off our debt or we will NEVER be done, never be free of it, never be in a good place to have another baby. Before you even say it, I know we won’t ever be “ready” but Aaron is insisting on some financial stability before we try again, and (emotions be damned) I really do agree with him.

If there is a God, and there is some sort of plan or something, then I want to know how I got signed up for the “everything sucks” plan.

I know, I take it back. Everything doesn’t suck. I really do like my family and husband and friends. I do have a good job where they treat me well. I don’t live in a box. I can even afford to be fat, which may not be a blessing but does at least speak for something. I am just feeling so beaten up by the universe right now.

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9 Responses to “Dear World, I Quit.”

  1. girlinthecrosswalk March 6, 2008 at 11:49 am #

    😦 Boooooooooo. Well, I’ll come pick you up and take you ouuuut to the movies! On the count of I won 200 on a scratchy two days ago and who is ever really responsible with lottery winnings?! That should give you good reason for getting out of bed at least one day!!! 😉

    But, honey, it’s ok. I mean I know this sounds totally twisted and irresponsible, but I don’t think debt really matters… if you think about it in the long run. As long as you make your payments and your credit is good, the amount of debt doesn’t matter. When you’re old and die, who are they going to make pay it back??? Yeah… no one. Because they can’t make you pay a bill when you’re not there anymore so they have to figure something else to do besides harass you about your debt. 😉

  2. Not So Little Sister March 6, 2008 at 12:34 pm #

    (((Heather)))

  3. Tara March 6, 2008 at 1:00 pm #

    I love you! I know it seems like everything sucks, but somehow something good will come of this. I though the same thing when I was in my credit cards maxed out paying every other month stage and then the car died. I thought I was done, but it turns out that it was a good thing. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but even little black rain clouds make rainbows. Hang in there, get out of bed just to show the universe that it can’t keep you down.

  4. Caryn March 6, 2008 at 1:41 pm #

    Reading that post, I see you going back and forth between “logic” and “emotion”… and it makes me feel better to see that other people have this battle, too. One of my favorite quotes is “logic never could convince a heart”…

    I’m sorry, Heather… I’m sorry the world has dealt you a really shitty hand lately… You are always so strong and positive, but you definitely deserve some time to hate everything and vent.

    Love you.

  5. holly March 6, 2008 at 9:00 pm #

    Holy crap! That is a lot to handle. I won’t give you any crappy lines about how things work out in the end, I’m sure you don’t want to hear it. Financial stability is a precarious thing and not many of us have it. Just know that your friends are with you through it all. (groovyholly on flickr)

  6. missing_one March 6, 2008 at 10:16 pm #

    I’ll take a better package as well please!

  7. bastet3 March 8, 2008 at 10:13 am #

    Dude, I think I got signed up for the same plan. I think the world in general is going into a downward spiral of screwing over everyone in sight.

  8. Hailerstar March 11, 2008 at 4:13 am #

    Debt is a gnawing monster that constantly nips at your heels. When it’s not staring down at you raising it’s big inky foot to go splat on top of you, that is. *huggles*

  9. Hailerstar March 11, 2008 at 4:14 am #

    PS. And I say that cause we have a consolidation loan! Which saved us from going under but which I also found out later was a bad move. *At least according to ‘the experts’.

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