F for Friday

11 Apr

Because I have a relatively transparent presence online, I’ve gone ahead and made yesterday’s post totally private so no one can see it.  It does still exist though.  Thanks for all of the support and extremely helpful comments.  In the end, I went ahead and did it!

If you have no clue what I am talking about because you didn’t read yesterday’s short lived post, you can always email me and I’ll be happy to tell you.  Just send it to “thenameofmyblog” @t “the email sponsored by Google” d0t c0m.  Obviously, you’ll need to change the first part to the actual name of MY blog, not use those words.

Anyway, I am feeling pretty darn good today.  I am following my heart, doing the right things for myself, and I lost more weight!  I’ve lost a little over 12 pounds since January 1.  I know that is SUPER SLOW weight loss, but I am extremely pleased with it.  It is just right for me because it means I have not starved myself, denied myself too much, or worked out through pain.  I have been a little more careful this week with food since I am not exercising much… and it paid off I guess!

Tonight, my beautiful sister is coming to see us and hang out all day tomorrow.  Sunday will be spent on a spring shopping spree (a tame one in which I don’t actually BUY anything… except maybe a pair of work shoes) with a good friend.  All in all, things are shaping up nicely!

There is something else…  I have gone back and forth about whether or not to blog about this, and in the end I pretty much blog about everything, so here I go.  Earlier this week, on my six months post, I received an anonymous comment.  It was hurtful, and so I deleted it and haven’t seen anything else since then.  At first, I thought about posting the whole thing because I wanted you all to rally around me and tell the anonymous meanie to SHUT UP.  But the more I thought about it, the more I let the mean words creep in.  I started to question myself.  Maybe there was truth.  Maybe I AM being self-indulgent.  Maybe I am taking advantage of your kindness and “creating” a culture of guilt based on my own selfish need for attention.  Maybe I really don’t have a right to “mourn” Aodin, since he “wasn’t even a real baby.”

Wait…  that’s such crap.  I have had time to process all of this and realize something.  Maybe this anonymous commenter was grieving his or her own loss and lashed out.  I understand anger in grief.  Maybe they are just small minded and truly believe that rules can be applied to grief.  Either way, I know my pain is valid and my son is REAL, in every sense.  I held his tiny hand and looked in amazement at his perfect, tiny fingernails.  There is no denying his reality, his worth, or the strength of my love for him.

And so, I am asking you all for something very specific.  I don’t want or need you to defend me.  I especially don’t want anyone to attack this commenter, which is why I am not posting any details.  I know all of the attacks and defense would be out of love and support for me, and I love that about all of you.  But this time, I want to ask you all to redirect that love and support.  Send it on to that anonymous commenter.  If the comment was a lashing out grown from their own pain, then he or she needs that love so much more than I do.  If not, there is still a clear deficiency of love.  So send it on.

Love you guys.


13 Responses to “F for Friday”

  1. Jenny April 11, 2008 at 9:29 am #

    Let’s see, 12 lbs in 13 weeks, that right about what you SHOULD be losing! Averaging just about a pound a week is great!!

  2. g April 11, 2008 at 9:53 am #

    Seriously, that’s what I was thinking 12lbs, that’s not slow, that’s AWESOME! Go you!

    I am glad you are going ahead with “it” – I hope things work out ok 🙂

    Your weekend sounds lovely.

    To your commenter… I agree, there is a lack of love, compassion and understanding there. That just makes me feel sorry for them 😦 Having been through this, I know now, that I never felt this kind of compassion before. There’s a lot to be said about the cliche – walk a mile in someone’s shoes.


  3. Beatrice April 11, 2008 at 11:14 am #

    While everyone else is busy with your wise words and sending love out to the other guy, I’m going to ignore what you wrote (just for a moment) and totally direct my love and gratitude to you. My name is Beatrice- I am a complete stranger, and I am wearing the jewelry you donated to thelaurieproject.com today. I am a New Yorker, and sometimes in New York magic has a tendency to hide from good people- from people in general, anyway. lately the lines of “good and bad people” have blurred- in sync with your smart and insightful words about misdirection. in any event… projection or not, I just want to tell you that upon putting on my rings and necklace, I felt more like myself than I have in ages upon ages. I felt a real power emanating from them- I felt beautiful, and in touch with my essence, and every time I glance(d) down at my hands, I am reminded of how connected I am, of how beautiful this life actually is, of how love really exists in the world. yesterday when the set arrived in the mail, the envelope was right next to an envelope from the IRS, stating that I’ve been granted my requests for the cancellation of penalties and interest that were tacked on to a bbalance I owed from 2000- that had compounded each year, even though I paid on time every single year, filed timely and properly… blah blah blah. Call me nuts- but I feel like your set carries magic, and it’s been sent to New York to a girl who needed it- badly- and I promise that it will be paid forward. thank you so much… all blessings.

  4. Rainypete April 11, 2008 at 11:17 am #

    Hurt people do some strange things. I’d not dwell on their hurtful words but rather hope they find a way to be happy in this messed up world. People generally like to make others miserable so that they won’t be alone in their own misery.

    Don’t take too much venom to heart and let your life be what you want it to be and not what others will try to make it. Three cheers for the amazing shrinking woman!!

  5. Brandi April 11, 2008 at 11:46 am #

    Mean anonymous comments are the worst. :-/ I’m sorry you had to deal with that, H. You prove, yet again, how amazing you are by wanting us to show love to that person. I adore you and your HUGE heart, Heather! I’ll be sending love and good vibes to this anonymous commenter. I hope they find what they are looking for and that their heart heals soon. Hurting others isn’t the answer.

    Congrats on the weight loss, too! *high five* You ARE awesome!! ❤

  6. Amy April 11, 2008 at 12:44 pm #

    Wow, 12 lbs! That’s fab!
    I too hope you have a wonderful weekend just as you plan and agree with G., wehre your commenter comes in to play!

    Thinking of you and Aodin, today and everyday! Much love and peace!

  7. girlinthecrosswalk April 11, 2008 at 1:25 pm #

    First, YAYYYY FRIDAY! I’m so glad you’re going to do some fun things this weekend! 🙂 Give B a big giant hug from me!!!!

    Now… Anonymous commenter??? Not giving out the information??? What? You tell me who it was… I’ll jack a mo-fo up. No one has the right to attempt to delegitimize the feelings you have. Everyone should embrace what they feel every moment of everyday. That’s not to say to dwell on things for too long, but most certainly one should embrace their feelings whatever they are. That person is obviously in a lot of pain or just really messed up to bother taking the time to type out something negative.

  8. c. April 12, 2008 at 11:25 am #

    12 lbs is amazing, H. Accept the good…and that is so very good!!!

    As for the commenter, you are a bigger person than I. I can’t really say much more. You know the old adage, “If you can’t say something nice…”

    I wholeheartedly support you and I am sickened that anybody would try to minimize your experience for whatever reason. It’s shameful, really. ‘Nuff said.

    PS As for the private blog…yay for you!!! I read it. Just hadn’t commented yet :o(

  9. Wondy April 12, 2008 at 12:00 pm #

    I love the last paragraph of this post, you are certainly more mature and understanding than I, since I don’t even know what the commenter said, and already my hackles are up.

    All I can say is I certainly don’t feel you are/or have been self-indulgent in any way. I think you have used your experience in the most incredible ways, by helping other people through similar and hopefully you will continue to do so.

    I really want to smash this person in the face, but yes… love, he/she needs it, that old chestnut. You are right, but maybe I’m not as sweet as you are…

  10. Wondy April 12, 2008 at 12:01 pm #

    Ps. Not exactly sure what it entails, but I’m with BK!

  11. MOM April 12, 2008 at 8:03 pm #

    Well, no matter how nice everyone else is, you’d better not tell me who mean anonymous commenter is, b/c I’ll beat them up!!! We held our precious Aodin in his arms and saw his perfection. We know how he has changed our lives and continues to everyday! If that’s not real, NOTHING is! Let me at em!!!!!! I’ll EAT YOU UP, I LOVE YOU SO!!!!

  12. Kathy April 13, 2008 at 8:00 am #

    Heather… I’ll redirect my love and support anywhere you ask me to. Beatrice, who commented above, is my best friend for life–and she told me, before she knew where it came from, how safe and magical her “new” jewelry from The Laurie Project felt as soon as she put it on. I said, “Oh, that’s Aodin, looking out for you” and directed her here.

    I’m not much of a commenter but I’ve been following you for over a year… and I know Aodin was here, was real, and the magic of him, girl, is the love you have coming back to you. You know?

    Anyone who tells you otherwise is, yes, acting out from their own pain–or else has never been a parent. I loved this entry–thank you.

  13. Antigone April 15, 2008 at 7:42 am #

    I’m all out of love for the undeserving. I haven’t received any nasty anonymous comments yet. I’m not sure I’d respond with any amount of maturity.

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