Crappy

23 May

05.23.08 Cranky List

This is the list I made this morning while waiting for my WW meeting to start.  I have a clear list of grievances, and also some apparent issues.  To see the bigger picture and (as such) read the words a bit better, click here.

Let’s go in order here:

  1. Berlitz — I sent my resume to Berlitz, the language company, because they were looking for part time instructors to work from home.  I figured it would be a great way to make extra money, get to teach, and not change anything about my schedule.  Turns out they aren’t looking for English teachers, and I am not quite comfortable with teaching Italian… I am just not there yet.  So it fell through, which made me a little sad because I was excited about it.
  2. Masters — I have been thinking (again) about getting my Masters.  I just can’t let go of the idea that it will help me out professionally, and it would be fulfilling a personal goal.  I have several issues though.  First of all, I cannot pay for it… not a penny.  We have WAY too much debt.  So that means finding a program that will pay for it all and/or some serious scholarships.  I also can’t afford to work less, which means two things: finding an all online program and working full time while trying to complete a Masters program.  I am not SO worried about the time/schedule issue.  I think I can make it work.  I’ll be stressed, but only for two years or so and then I will be done with it.  I AM, however, worried that the all online programs will not be seen as worth as much.  I am looking at one from a legitimate, accredited school that says your degree will mention NOTHING about it being online… so that might work.  The other online issue is that it doesn’t offer me a specific.  I can’t get an MA in Art History.  Instead it would be an MA in Humanities in which I could customize the course load to be art history heavy.  I worry that this will effect me if I ever intend to get a job in the field.  I have sent emails to my trusted professors to see if they have some advice on the issue.  I also feel a little bit of a rush on this one because the whole idea is to get it done in time for my kids to benefit from it… meaning I want to be done with the degree SOON.
  3. I gained weight this week.  WHAT?  I sort of knew it was going to happen, but I am SO frustrated.  I gained 1.4 pounds after a week in which I exercised more than ever.  I ate decently.  I used a lot of my “extra” points, but not all of them.  I tracked everything.  They say it’s a normal part of the cycle, but I am already having a tough time with motivation this week…  Plus, I so clearly have issues.  The bottom of the page is where I wrote down how I was feeling.  Frustrated, disappointed, confused, angry… these all make sense.  Justified?  As in… gaining makes me feel justified in all of my previous terrible thoughts about myself, including the ones listed below:  this is pointless, I am broken, why do I bother, am I a failure, and this is so typical of me.  See…  ISSUES.
  4. I am feeling emotional this morning.  Some from the above stressers, some from too little sleep this week, some from some amped up missing of Aodin.  So it’s been… interesting to come to work, since I discovered that the empty office in front of my cube is not empty today.  A woman from one of our other offices came in, and brought her two year old son.  He is adorable, he is precious and sweet and smart… he likes the toys on my desk and wants to eat my Cheez-its.  I want to steal him and take him home and cry.

Hope the weekend is better.  I am having lunch today with GITC, and then we are going sailing with my mother in law and her husband tomorrow, and to a barbecue with friends on Sunday, so I am counting on improvement.

Also, as a minor side note — I finally started the Cyber Italian program and it is AWESOME.  I can tell I have SO much brushing up to do to get back to where I need to be, but I am really enjoying it.  So there’s something happy, right?

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9 Responses to “Crappy”

  1. antigone May 23, 2008 at 9:35 am #

    I got really frustrated when I gained a pound following an intense week of exercise. It almost made me quit. But I kept plugging away and the weight went down. I don’t know if it was muscle or water retention or both.

    Definitely get your Master’s. Find a way and do it.

  2. Judy May 23, 2008 at 11:38 am #

    You’re teaching me italian! (I know it doesn’t pay, but you’re good at it) Can you send me the link to the cyber italian?

  3. mrs.spit May 23, 2008 at 12:19 pm #

    couple of things – get your Master’s. I think a lot of people will be so impressed that you did it, that they won’t much care where. As long as it’s not degreesforsale.com

    And with the weight gain, I always gain weight the week before my period – about that amount too.

  4. CLC May 23, 2008 at 12:40 pm #

    Sorry you are having a bad day. But your weekend plans sound great. I hope you feel better tomorrow. And don’t throw in the towel about WW. It’s normal to fluctuate, and it’s probably just muscle that you gained.

  5. Caryn May 23, 2008 at 3:38 pm #

    There are a bunch of “brick & mortar” schools that also happen to offer online degrees (that’s how I did my undergrad degree). Also, I’ve been told by some folks who have been around longer than me that it really doesn’t matter much what your Masters is in (career-wise). It’s more important that you HAVE it. FWIW…

  6. c. May 23, 2008 at 7:48 pm #

    Sorry about the bad day, H. Hope it got a little better. Also hope the long weekend brings you some much needed rest – and a little fun wouldn’t hurt either (but that usually results in more added weight in my case…).

  7. tash May 23, 2008 at 8:55 pm #

    Rough week. I’m glad you can get it out somewhere, though. the Italian program sounds lovely.

  8. Brandi May 24, 2008 at 4:12 am #

    All of that is more than frustrating, H. I’m sorry your Friday didn’t start off so wonderful. I hope your weekend makes up for it and then some! I, too, wouldn’t worry much about the weight gain. It is very normal for it to fluctuate – and very frustrating, too. I gained many weeks during my run with WW, but you gotta stick with it. It won’t let you down, I promise. 🙂

    Thank you again for the most *amazing* gift ever… you are seriously the greatest friend a girl could ask for, H. I’ll miss you at the shower tomorrow. ❤ ❤

  9. Becky May 24, 2008 at 11:19 am #

    Oh dude, I’m sorry about the weight gain. It’s happened to me every time I started an exercise program, so next week should show a good decrease. Try not to beat yourself up too much.

    Love you.

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