Lacking Vocabulary

28 May

Sometimes I just don’t have the right words.  Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by one feeling or another, and I just don’t know what to say… how to make myself understood.  Good feelings, bad feelings… it happens with both.

For instance: I know you all know that I love my husband.  I know you also know that I like him, which I have come to discover is a very different thing than love.  Thanks to at least one previous post, you’ve heard me praise his many virtues and fabulous traits.  And yet…  I still don’t have enough words.  Tidbits like “love” and “happy” and “perfect” have begun to sound like the under-performing slackers of the vocabulary world.  Isn’t there something more?  There has to be some other way to describe it.  I suppose not.  I suppose I have to settle for love Love LOVE.

Hardly an issue, right?

I also don’t really know how to talk about some of the feelings I have been experiencing about myself lately.  As it turns out, much to my own shock, I really LIKE me!  I have always liked me on a personal level, but I am starting to like the rest too.  I have more and more days when I feel pretty, sexy, proud.  I am enjoying working out because I love the aftermath, when I feel strong and energized and so very pleased with myself.  I can already tell that my body is changing, and I am excited to see what I can do!

It’s not all positive though.  I have also totally run out of ways to express some other recent feelings, like “overwhelmed” and “confused” and “sad.”  Really though, this are minor things… background issues… a blip on my otherwise sunny radar.  I don’t know if it’s the exercise endorphins talking, but overall I feel…

genuinely happy

I am happy.  I never thought I would be able to say that again so soon.  Of course I miss Aodin.  Not a day, not a moment goes by when he is not in my thoughts and my heart.  We talk about him all the time.  I still hurt, ache, cry.  But I am HAPPY.  My life?  It’s good.  Actually good.  Not good despite… not good even though… no qualification to it… just good.

I hope that’s alright.

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9 Responses to “Lacking Vocabulary”

  1. CLC May 28, 2008 at 1:42 pm #

    It’s good to hear you feel good. I might need to try the endorphins!

  2. Nicole May 28, 2008 at 3:13 pm #

    I have been hanging on a line found in the book I’m currently reading, called Love Walked In. (A gorgeous book, so far anyway.) It goes like this:

    “At first she was happy because she had decided to be, and then she relaxed into her happiness and just felt it.”

    Enjoy feeling it. 😉

  3. Becky May 28, 2008 at 8:59 pm #

    That’s precisely why I love working out (and having sex, truth be told).

    I’m so glad that you are doing well!

  4. Season May 28, 2008 at 10:05 pm #

    Not too many people can genuinely say they are “happy” so I applaud you… and yes, it is more than alright… it’s fantastic!

  5. everyunderdogwillhaveitsday May 29, 2008 at 12:12 pm #

    I am absolutely made up for you H – you deserve all those positive feelings more than anyone I know!

  6. Caryn May 29, 2008 at 12:33 pm #

    I’m so proud of you. I’m glad you’re happy. I’m sure Aodin is glad you’re happy, too.

  7. antigone May 29, 2008 at 8:15 pm #

    Will working out make me happy too? *laces up tenneshoes*

  8. irunwithscissors June 1, 2008 at 10:00 am #

    of course its alright… you deserve to be truly happy!

  9. Manda June 2, 2008 at 9:48 am #

    I totally understand the love and like thing. Nick and I were talking about it and how when you’re young, like isn’t good enough, you want love. And when you’ve been together a long time, like becomes more important. We’ve all known couples who love each other so they stay together even though they don’t like each other. Crazy.

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