7 Days

12 Jun

Once upon a time, I spent seven days laying in a hospital bed and begging the universe/god/buddha/zoroaster/anyone-who-was-listening for one thing. Just one thing.

In the days and weeks that immediately followed, I was angry and sad. I felt cheated. I asked. I begged. I pleaded. I offered up all sorts of trades and deals. I made promises. Through the rage and the grief, I forgot something.

I never asked for Aodin to stay. Not out loud anyway. Instead, I asked that whatever was best for HIM be done. Sometimes I wonder if I meant it. Would I take it all back? Would I trade?

No. Aodin has given me so much, taught me so much. Of course I wish he were here with me, but the truth is that those desperate requests in the hospital meant something after all. I just wanted what was best for my son. If it meant I didn’t get to keep him then I would gather up all of my considerable strength and soldier on without him.

I think I have done that. I think I have earned the right to ask for one small thing from the world.

Please, when we are ready and the time is right, please let the next one stay.

Angel of Hope

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11 Responses to “7 Days”

  1. Becky June 12, 2008 at 2:16 pm #

    *hugs*

    What a beautiful post.

  2. tash June 12, 2008 at 3:47 pm #

    You’ve earned the right. I hope for all of our sakes that the world is listening.

  3. Rainy Pete June 12, 2008 at 4:07 pm #

    If I had any pull at all with the people in charge I’d happily plead your case. You’re wonderful H!

  4. egan June 12, 2008 at 4:50 pm #

    I like this one simple request and I’ll keep sending positive thoughts your way. It’s good you can see how this tragic loss has impacted you in good and not so good ways. Best to you!

  5. holly June 12, 2008 at 6:08 pm #

    So true, so sad yet your angel picture makes me believe that we move on. There is always someone to light the way. I hope the next one will stay too. Hugs.

  6. Becca June 12, 2008 at 7:02 pm #

    I’ll pull for you if you pull for me. I mean we deserve at least that much right! And I love the pic of the angel…I need one of those.

  7. CLC June 12, 2008 at 8:53 pm #

    I hope you get your wish. I think you deserve it.

  8. MOM June 12, 2008 at 8:58 pm #

    No Words….Just Love…MOMMY!!!

  9. Caryn June 13, 2008 at 3:43 pm #

    *love* I hope you know I think the world of you. *hug*

  10. everyunderdogwillhaveitsday June 14, 2008 at 4:02 pm #

    I’m with you, babe – I’m praying for the next one, and the next one after that, and on and on and on – you’re incredible – you really are.

  11. Rosalind June 18, 2008 at 3:23 pm #

    I like this one …i’m praying too..for all of us

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