Bullet for my Blog

30 Jul

A post in bullets, because I am incapable of flowing prose this morning…

  • Yesterday I was on the bus thinking about… I don’t know, something… and I was trying to picture myself older. Like gray hair, grandchildren older. I couldn’t do it! It got me thinking, and I have never really been able to think of myself significantly older. I can picture other people, and I can create totally made up images, but I can never visualize myself in a way that really feels like truth. Is that odd?
  • I miss Rome. My fantastic friend Beth, who was my roommate last summer, just went back for work and I saw some pictures. I am now determined to go back sometime soon.
  • In case you’re wondering, we haven’t heard anything further from my troubled sister. Although I do spend some energy thinking of her and worrying about the quality of life her daughter will have, I have essentially dismissed her from my thoughts again. It is just the way I deal with her. I don’t know if it’s right or fair, and I certainly think it it a little cold of me, but I know no other way to deal with someone who constantly throws your love and affection back in your face.
  • I am feeling Aodin’s loss a little extra today. I don’t know why some days seem better or worse than others. I don’t feel terribly sad, but I just feel… I guess I would say that I feel like he is nearby today and, though I love the thought of it, it always pulls at my heartstrings a bit. I am hoping today’s lunch time exercise helps lift my spirits a little without taking a way a sense of closeness to my precious boy.
  • I am totally craving cheesecake today. I blame this.
  • I have just discovered Imeem. Am I totally behind the times? Anyway, I made a playlist that I listen to at work, and I am loving this song by Marjorie Fair. Lyrics below:

I’m so tired of learning to talk, building fences on the wall.
In this state, I shall not remain.

I don’t want to go, but if I die young, fill my empty room with the sun.
Fill my empty room with the sun.

This don’t matter like it did before
This don’t matter much anymore

Change my mind or help me to try.
I’m afraid and I’m not satisfied.
In this state I shall not remain.

I don’t want to go, but if I die young, fill my empty room with the sun.
Fill my empty room with the sun.

This don’t matter like it did before
This don’t matter much anymore

Daylight is not the same when your stabbing at the stars in your eyes, and bleeding is what you see.

This don’t matter like it did before
This don’t matter much anymore

  • Of course, let’s not mention the several other songs on there… like this one by Timbaland, which is totally inappropriate for work and possibly inappropriate for life in general.  I am also liking this one by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and this one too, but my real favorites on the playlist are this and this, and several others by the Idan Raichel Project.  On their site they have the following quote, which I love:

Our ability to live in peace with each other depends first and foremost on our ability to accept all that is different between us.

I want to get closer to you, but let me be who I am.  I welcome you coming closer to me, while respecting who you are.

On our own individual paths we are all looking for the bread, the water, the wind and a dignified life.  And yes, we all cling to love.

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3 Responses to “Bullet for my Blog”

  1. mrs.spit July 30, 2008 at 8:39 am #

    Hugs.

  2. Rainy Pete July 30, 2008 at 9:02 am #

    I’ve never been able to picture myself older either. I think it’s because I don’t have any preconceptions of where I’ll end up. I kind of relish the journey of aging too much to worry about my destination.

    As for your sister, better to be “cold” as you say than to waste your time and resources on someone who doesn’t want them anyhow.

    And boo for cheesecake. Denise just made a double chocolate one for dessert to go with dinner at my parents’ tonight and I’m going to eat far too much of it, I just know it.

  3. g July 30, 2008 at 9:57 am #

    I love bullet points. When people come into my office and start in on long dissertations, I say… Wait.. Bullet points!

    ps, I ❤ Timbaland too 🙂

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