The Gift

14 Dec

As I woke up this morning, warm in our cozy bed with the length of my body snuggled against Aaron’s warm back and the weight of a sleeping puppy on the pillow next to my head, I realized something I have only glimpsed before.

Every day is a gift.  Every one, even the terrible ones.  Even the days when work is terrible and I come home with a headache.  Every day.  EVERY DAY.

In the end, no matter what the day brings, it all ends the same way.  I come home.  I open the door to a man who cherishes me, a dog who worships me, and a life that brings me comfort, safety, and joy.  Every afternoon I sit as still as I can manage, a silent spectator in the baby dance in my belly.

I know this feeling won’t stay with me always, that like anything good it will sometimes fade in the face of the most current irritation or hurt, but in the end it is an eternal truth.  Whatever the pain, grief, or sorrow… no matter the difficulties, this life is something I would not trade.  I sometimes say that I want my son back, but the truth is that I would not ask that either.

Wherever Aodin is, whatever occupies his sweet and perfect life now, is what was meant to be.  To keep him here would have denied him something, may have even condemned him to pain or sorrow here.  He was too perfect to stay, and how could I ask to sully that perfection, to contaminate that perfect soul?

All is as it should be.  This day is another gift, for which I am eternally thankful.

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15 Responses to “The Gift”

  1. Bex December 14, 2008 at 11:01 am #

    🙂 That made me smile.

    And just, fyi, Aodin is here in the desert hanging out with me until the plethora of stones in my kidneys ceases to exist. No lie, I saw a butterfly yesterday while I was driving. 🙂 It was also 70º out. Although it’s really cold today.

  2. N.F. December 14, 2008 at 12:51 pm #

    Written so beautifully.

  3. everyunderdogwillhaveitsday December 14, 2008 at 1:06 pm #

    Made me cry H but in the sweetest way… and you are so right.

  4. MOM December 14, 2008 at 5:12 pm #

    You are very wise young one!

  5. barren is the new black December 14, 2008 at 6:55 pm #

    I found you! Great meeting you today. I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m looking forward to reading more

  6. CLC December 14, 2008 at 10:25 pm #

    You are so right. It’s just hard to keep it in perspective sometimes.

  7. irunwithscissors December 15, 2008 at 2:16 am #

    beautiful sis!

  8. Sarah December 15, 2008 at 8:34 pm #

    This is beautiful, and, honestly just what we all need to read at this time of year.

  9. Ruby December 16, 2008 at 2:28 pm #

    Your serenity and acceptance is inspiring

  10. Kathy December 16, 2008 at 2:56 pm #

    This gave me goosebumps, hard and fierce, all the way from my shoulders to my fingertips. What a beautiful entry, Heather.

  11. KennethSF December 18, 2008 at 4:38 am #

    Most of us forget what a blessing it is to wake up to a new day. Life, with all its heartaches and laughter, is a gift. This reliazation might be the best gift one can give oneself.

  12. Coggy December 18, 2008 at 4:44 am #

    Since reading this I’ve been trying to remind myself of it often.

  13. rainypeter December 18, 2008 at 9:42 pm #

    Life is full of beauty. The ironic part is that we look so hard to see it that we look right past it. Kind of like looking for our car keys when they are somewhere obvious. The real magic isn’t magic at all but simply learning the ability to see the everyday for what it really is. Thanks for this H!

  14. Kristin (kekis) December 18, 2008 at 10:49 pm #

    Thank you for that attitude adjustment. Even though focusing on the positive is difficult, each & every moment we have could be worse than it actually is. I needed a new perspective, and you helped me see it again.

  15. Jana December 19, 2008 at 3:52 pm #

    Thank you for stopping me in my hurting tracks.

    Beautiful.

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