25 Mar
  • The reason I don’t blog so much anymore is because I feel like I have nothing new to say.  Every day is sort of the same…
  • I’m started to have a really hard time with bed rest.  I am getting frustrated and emotional a lot more often.  I feel guilty for that, because I feel like I shouldn’t have negative feelings about something that is so helpful to Evi.
  • Despite the bed rest, I actually like being pregnant.
  • I am really, ridiculously, head-over-heels in love with my husband, and more so every day.  The idea of him as a father to our little girl just makes me feel like my heart will explode.  I feel so lucky.
  • I (not-so-)secretly hope that Evi will be born quickly once the stitch is removed.  I know plenty of people think it’s best for her to stay in as long as possible, but I am SO ready to meet her.
  • Despite having gained plenty of weight through this pregnancy, I still don’t weigh as much as I did at my heaviest pre-pregnancy weight.  Almost, but not quite.
  • I love the feeling of Evi moving.  Sometimes I worry about how I will feel when that is gone.  I know I will miss it, but I imagine I will be too caught up in the miracle of her to think about it too much.
  • Sometimes the success of this pregnancy makes me feel guilty.
  • I miss college.
  • I have three best friends in the world, people I know I could turn to with anything at any time, no matter what… people I wouldn’t hesitate to call in the middle of the night if I needed to, people I know I can count on no matter what.  Aaron is one of them, and my mother is another.
  • I have no intention of raising Evi with “girly” things.  If she wants dolls and dresses and pink, then she can have them, but I want her to be just as interested in airplanes and trucks and dirt.  I secretly hope that she goes through a dinosaur phase like I did, is into cars like her Dad, or loves history, but more than anything I can’t wait to see the woman she becomes, no matter what.
  • Sometimes I am terrified of raising a child.
  • I really, really miss my son.  Every single day.  He is always with me.

8 Responses to “Confessions”

  1. Bex March 25, 2009 at 3:32 pm #

    I love you. Wow. Those are some big confessions, Lady.

    I’ll also throw out, just because I know you’ll giggle, that I’m still only getting her things that are pink and frilly despite your not wanting to raise her girly… except for the set of tools that she’ll need for her 2nd birthday so she can learn to do important stuff like build things. 😉 hehehehe.

  2. Mrs.spit March 25, 2009 at 5:55 pm #

    You have been so good humoured about bed rest, I imagine that it’s hard to keep it up. It’s ok to whine to us. Truly, this is hard, and you are doing a great job at keeping Evi in there, but it is still hard. As for hoping she comes, they don’t take the cerclage out until it’s safe for her to come, so you know what, I hope she comes out right away too!

  3. Andria and Co. March 25, 2009 at 7:38 pm #

    Great post.

    I know you miss your son. I’ve been accused before of using Blake as an replacement for those I lost… And, maybe, in a way he is. But, I love him. Fiercely. And, even though I already had a daughter, I was afraid to be a mother again. I felt the entire time that I was pregnant, that I was a ticking bomb, and it would end at any second.
    So, I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy that much, and just wanted him OUT, and healthy. Afterwards, I missed my belly. I loved being pregnant, even though I was scared.

  4. Mom to Baby J March 26, 2009 at 8:15 am #

    Lots of hugs. You should not feel guilty about the success of your pregnancy although I certainly know how you feel since I was pregnant with J when you were pregnant with Aodin…I felt horribly guilty. Still do sometimes.

    Also I feel the same way about dirt and planes and especially dinosaurs. I loved dinosaurs when I was a kid. Also I hope she likes sports.

    I can’t wait to meet Evi! It’s all so exciting!

  5. Emma March 26, 2009 at 8:59 am #

    Evi has a wonderful mother, father and big brother to look after her! She is a truly blessed baby and is incredib;y lucky to have suck a loving family. 🙂 Don’t feel guilty, just roll with whatever is thrown your way!

  6. underdogshorts March 26, 2009 at 10:05 am #

    Oh baby, Evi is going to grow up to be the most incredible person simply because she is going to be so loved, and have you and Aaron as her role models. I can’t think of a better start in life than that. Everything else is perfectly natural, you amaze me that you’ve come this far without complaint. You’re a hero darling, never forget it!

  7. Amy March 27, 2009 at 8:14 pm #

    Aodin is with us all everyday…I do believe he was in DC with me this week!

    It is ok, to have your feelings of not wanting to be on bed rest any more…it doesn’t make you a bad person it makes you a REAL person! You are not superhuman, Heather…although, I think so!

    I am sending you big hugs, can you feel them?

  8. Rainy Pete March 30, 2009 at 7:10 pm #

    You two are going t5o do great. Hell, if I can manage my two you guys can handle Evi. Every day’s full of new and amazing things and lots of fear. I’ve come to believe that if you’re not afraid of screwing up you’re probably doing it wrong.

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