My Children

14 Jun

I am typing this post with my beautiful, perfect daughter asleep on my chest.  She snores when she sleeps, and it makes me smile every time.  We keep each other warm, and her sleeping face is always a moment of zen for me.  Holding her is always wonderful.

Sitting here, warm and peaceful, I find myself thinking of Aodin.  I still miss him, with a sharp pang of pain, every single day.  It will never change.  What has changed, however, is the emotions I feel when I think of him.  The pain is small, sharp but quick to pass.  It is immediately replaced by a strange sort of happiness.  I am his mother.  I got to know him for nineteen precious weeks.  He is still, and forever will be, a part of my heart and my soul.  He helped me find strength and peace in the face of unimaginable tragedy, and he had a hand in protecting his sweet sister until she could safely come to my arms.

Evi has such an amazing big brother.  This morning she was mesmerized by my tattoo, and smiled when I asked her if she was thinking of her brother.  She carries him with her too.

I never thought my family would be quite like this, but in the end I am happy.  Of course I would have kept Aodin with us if I could have, but in the end it just could not be that way.  My Dad said he wonders if Aodin knew that we had to lose a child, and so he volunteered to be the one in order to make way for his sister.  It is sad to think of, but beautiful too because it speaks to his bravery, his strength, and his love of his sweet Evi.

I may not know everything, but I look at my daughter and I know without a shadow of a doubt that she was meant to be here.  Without her, our family would not be complete or right.  So thanks, little man, for such a beautiful sacrifice.  We love you and miss you every moment.

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5 Responses to “My Children”

  1. Zoot June 14, 2009 at 2:25 pm #

    Such a wonderfully beautiful entry. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Beautiful Mess June 14, 2009 at 2:46 pm #

    What a beautiful post. I think your dad is right. Aodin is the best big brother. Evi is very lucky to have him!
    *HUGS*

  3. irunwithscissors June 14, 2009 at 4:48 pm #

    way to make me cry sister! This is beautiful!

  4. Caryn June 14, 2009 at 11:15 pm #

    This was beautiful. I love you. *hug*

  5. deepdreamer June 15, 2009 at 7:24 am #

    Oh Heather…how beautiful. What a way to put it. We all know it is true 🙂

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