Two

7 Oct

10.08.07 Aodin MemorialI can’t believe it has been two years.  I can’t believe that two years ago today I held my precious son, I studied his beautiful face, and I held my husband’s hand as we said our goodbyes.

We have come a long way in our grief.  We’ve built our family up around the loss and joy of Aodin, and we think of him every day.  We talk about him all the time, and we are careful to make sure Evi knows him too.  She celebrates her brother, and has a picture of him in the baby photo album she loves so much.

I think they have a special connection, and I know that she remembers him even now.  I want her to grow up with an understanding of who he is, what he means to our family.  We may not be raising Aodin, but he is a part of our family every day, just as much as he would be if he were here.

Sometimes I am surprised, floored by a sudden wave of emotion.  I still cry.  I still have days, moments, hours where I have to fight not to be overwhelmed by the sadness of losing our son.  I would never trade the experience.  I am grateful to have had him, and the pain has taught me a lot about my own strength.  I have learned what it means to be a mother in even the worst moments.  I know what it is to experience ultimate loss, and what it means when the love of family and friends surrounds you, wraps you up in support and strength, and helps you through unimaginable darkness.

I can’t say it enough.  Thank you all for all you’ve done for us.  Thank you for your support, your love, your kindness.  Thank you for understanding, for seeing the beauty in our sweet Aodin and for remembering him today.  I’ve gotten emails and comments from a lot of friends in the past few days, and I cannot tell you how it warms my heart, how it fills me with thankfulness for having so much love in my life.  I love you all.

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6 Responses to “Two”

  1. xj2608 October 7, 2009 at 10:49 am #

    My thoughts are with you. Evi has a wonderful angel looking out for her – as a big brother should.

  2. Zoot October 7, 2009 at 12:42 pm #

    Beautiful tribute, truly beautiful. Thank you for sharing it. I’m sending you and your wonderful family virtual hugs today.

  3. Barbara (burble) October 7, 2009 at 1:15 pm #

    With love to you.

    Thinking of your sweet perfect son today, and often.

    xxx

  4. bustedbabymaker October 7, 2009 at 2:20 pm #

    An absolutely beautiful memorial. Much love to your family today as we all remember Aodin.

  5. Beautiful Mess October 7, 2009 at 2:43 pm #

    I’m thinking about Aodin right along with all of you today and always. I’m so glad that Evi has such a wonderful and amazing brother to help her though life. It’s truly a beautiful relationship that they share. And thank you for sharing it with us.
    *HUGS*

  6. Aunt Becky October 7, 2009 at 10:38 pm #

    Sending you love and light today and always. Love to sweet Aodin, who is watching out for his little sister from afar. Always the guardian.

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