Dr. Phil

21 Oct

I’m watching the Dr. Phil episode on moms… working moms vs. stay-at-home moms,  and I of course have a lot of thoughts…  so here’s my live blog.

One woman just said working moms are selfish, and if they don’t have time for their kids they should “take a pass.”  How dare she?  She has no right to judge, and how dare she suggest this!  There is no way she knows what people’s situations are!

A working mom is looking for a good comeback for the criticisms.  I agree with Dr. Phil, she should just tell her critics to step off!  I don’t understand why this is such an issue!  Everyone should do what works for them, no matter what.  A good mom is a good mom, and has nothing to do with working or not.  To say working means “hiring someone else to love your children,” is RIDICULOUS.  Loving your children has nothing to do with whether or not you can stay home with them.  She argues that staying home means some women see her as less of a woman, which is just weird…  I have never encountered that.  She also makes it sound like working moms have it easy.

Another mom who is home now but wants to go back to work is saying her mental state is a wreck and she has had no marriage because she has three kids under two right now.  The other mom says mothers shouldn’t cater to their own feelings.  Again, ridiculous.  Without catering to our own feelings, at least to some degree, we do our children a disservice.  This Jessica woman is killing me.

Hey, it’s Dooce!  Since when is she a mommy blog?  I guess she is.  I heart Dooce.

— commercial:  I am googling Dooce, Dr. Phil, and trying to find out if the controversial Jessica has a blog. —

Also, where do I fall in this?  I work AND stay at home.  I sort of think I have the best and worst of both worlds.  I have to work AND take care of the Evi.  It’s a tough balance to maintain.

A working mom is saying she is helping her children by preparing them for the working world.  I don’t really buy that one.  Sure, maybe it’s helpful, but they will figure that out on their own at the right time.

The Jessica says there can’t be any emotional attachment or bonding for a working mother.  I think I am going to stop pointing out how wrong I think she is at this point.  She says her home is more calm than others.  Apparently her kids are in school.  What does she do all day?

Personally, our house is super calm.  Dr. Phil says the research doesn’t support the Jessica’s opinions, to which she responds that she “begs to differ.”  How do you differ with science?  Nevermind.  I don’t want to open that can.  Dr. Phil says kids in daycare have better cognitive abilities!!!  Panic!  How do I make Evi the Smartest Child Ever?

(side: Evi is trying to eat her feet.)

Women can do both.  It’s just true.

Hi, Dooce!  Dr. Phil likes her blog.  Heh.  I wonder if he liked the Dr. Feel post.  I like that Dooce points out that staying at home is not necessarily ideal.  I don’t feel as isolated as she says she did, since I have the All-Mighty Internets!!! but I do see how it can feel that way.  I totally get cabin fever sometimes.

Man, Dooce has a pretty family.  And THANK YOU!  Women SHOULD be supporting each other.  I just don’t get why everyone wants to pick fights!

There’s the test thing again.  Kids are scoring better on tests when they’re in daycare!  I wonder if I can get my hands on daycare teaching materials?  Must Make Child Smart.

(I’ve finished my work load for the day, thanks to lots of coffee and waking up at 6am, so I am totally not slacking here.  And hey, live blogging is sort of fun.)

— commercial: Evi is obsessed with her new Sophie the Giraffe, and when I went to google the link for it I got all panicked because there was something about a recall!!!  Fortunately, it turns out the recall was nothing.  Whew! —

“What makes the big difference is not how much, but how.”  Yeah!  Dr. Phil’s staff is out to rant and rave too!  🙂  I think they couldn’t hold themselves back!  Frankly, I think the bottom line is that kids are better off… if they’re parents don’t suck.  Working or staying home has very little to do with it.

(speaking of Sophie, she gets really slimy.)

Working moms do have to make sacrifices, but at home moms do too.  Personal, financial…  sacrifices are sacrifices, and every one is difficult.  Of course, the Dr. Phil staffer is lucky because she has a job where she can take the time she needs in order to not miss anything.  If I had kept my previous job, I would be spending $1000 a month on daycare and staying away from home for thirteen or fourteen hours per day.

— commercial: Stream of consciousness: I am friggin’ starving.  I miss my mommy.  The dog is such a weirdo.  I have fears about raising a smart, happy child.  I wonder if when I work I am not paying enough attention to her.  She certainly seems happy though… —

“We’ve lost the village.”  This is so true.  That’s why I love the internet so much.  You guys are my village!  “It’s hard to stay at home.”  SO true!  When you work, you feel like staying home is awesome and easy, and sometimes it is.  Sometimes it also sucks.  It’s good to get that out there.  It’s okay to feel like it sucks sometimes, like you need a break every once in a while without feeling like a bad mom.

(Evi is chewing on Moo Baa La La La!)

— commercial: I am so easily influenced when it comes to food.  The Red Lobster commercial makes me want shrimp.  I swear Evi is trying to say Puppy.  Of course that would be her favorite word… —

Trying to find a daycare…  this terrified me when we thought we might need one!  How can you be sure, you know?  The nanny interviews crack me up!  I do think babysitting and nannying are pretty much the same.  I’d want a bilingual nanny too, but an Italian one!  🙂

I feel like we’re getting repetitive here…  working doesn’t mean neglect, staying home doesn’t mean super kids.  So I’m done.  This was sort of fun!  What did we learn?  People are often overcritical and too ready to judge, women are oddly competitive with one another, and what matters is making your own choice to do the best thing for your family.


7 Responses to “Dr. Phil”

  1. Hillary October 21, 2009 at 11:28 am #

    I watched this episode too and I agree with a lot of what you said. But what irritated me most is how the episode was framed. Everyone always wants to talk about women judging each other. How about the real issues at stake here?

    Better work/life balance for men and women.
    Making quality child care affordable for everyone.
    Better federal and state enforcement of child care standards (which is currently abysmal).
    Increasing and making more reasonable parental leave (via federal legislation).
    Most importantly: WHY DO ALL THESE SEGMENTS ALWAYS JUST FOCUS ON MOMS? Sorry for the yelling, but really, this just plays into the idea that women are responsible for how kids turn out more than their dads. And that’s BS that is bad for women and bad for men.

    Not to mention the fact that for most, working vs. staying at home is not a choice.

    BTW — the studies Dr. Phil mentioned that show kids in day care do better in school? I know those studies well. They also show that that advantage ends by age 6. So, it’s basically meaningless. I’m a working mom, but I am totally ready to concede that I think a parent staying at home for the first few years of a child’s life is probably great for the child. But it’s not realistic in today’s working environment for me or Josh to leave our jobs and expect to return in a few years. And why not? Isn’t that the real problem?

    But I guess none of these topics would do as well for the show, since they wouldn’t involve ladies yelling at each other.

    For the record, I love working moms, moms at home, moms who work from moms, and all kinds of moms who try their best to do right by their kids. I also love dads who do the same (although just one in, you know, that way).

  2. a October 21, 2009 at 11:38 am #

    Thanks for live blogging this – I think people who criticize others are justifying their own choices. I work and my daughter goes to daycare. This is what I choose to do. If I wanted something different, my husband and I would make it work. When I say a SAHM is lucky, I mean that she is lucky that she has the skills and capacity to entertain a small child all day. I mean that she is lucky to be able to determine her own schedule, sure, but mostly she is lucky to have the creative abilities that I lack. I can’t teach my daughter how to be outgoing and how to socialize easily, because I don’t know how to do that. Daycare helps me with that.

    I have the luxury of choice, but not everyone does.

    BTW, I’m not sure if they actually mean that kids in daycare are testing higher or if they mean that kids who attend preschool are testing higher. Usually, there are programs available for kids age 3 and up.

  3. Jessica Gottlieb October 21, 2009 at 12:14 pm #

    I just think you should feather your nest, that is all.

    Now I’ll return to eating bon bons.

  4. Beautiful Mess October 21, 2009 at 12:49 pm #

    I missed that episode! Sounds like a good one, too! I don’t get the whole “your a bad parent becuase you work/stay home” thing. It’s all about what’s best for you and YOUR family. I’ve done both. I’ve stayed home with my kids and I’ve gone to work while Dirty stayed home with them. Actually, I did three because I’ve taken them to work with me when I was a preschool teacher. Anyway, I can see the benefits of all situations, but I can also see the cons. Whatever works for you is whats best for you.

    I one time had one of my daughter’s friends tell me how lucky I was that I was able to stay at home with my children. She said it in a sad way, like she was sad that she couldn’t stay home with her kids. I felt bad for her and told her that I was lucky and fortunate that we were able to have me stay home. I know it isn’t easy and there are a lot of parents who want to be on the other side of the fence. It all boils down to “if you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your mouth shut” ;o)

    Sorry for rambling, this subject is a HUGE issue for me. I hate it when parents are judged for their choices. I’ll get off my soap box now.

  5. Hillary October 21, 2009 at 1:51 pm #

    Jessica — Don’t you think it is a bit disingenuous to represent yourself as someone who doesn’t work, given the time and energy commitment your blog, event appearances and company sponsorship gigs entail?

    At least now focusing on the entirely wrong issues has become a citizens affair. It’s not just for the Dr. Phil’s of the world anymore!

  6. Brandee October 21, 2009 at 1:55 pm #

    Loved the live blogging, and couldn’t agree more!

    Panic! How do I make Evi the Smartest Child Ever?

    (side: Evi is trying to eat her feet.)

    This cracked me up. 🙂


  1. Posts about Dooce as of October 23, 2009 » The Daily Parr - October 23, 2009

    […] about Dooce as of October 23, 2009 Dr. Phil – yummysushipajamas.wordpress.com 10/21/2009 I’m watching the Dr. Phil episode on moms… […]

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