Rather Weighty, This…

9 Dec

Other titles I considered:

  • A Heavy Burden
  • A Big Problem
  • A Weighty Issue
  • Fat Chance

Witty, aren’t I?  In the somewhere between twenty minutes and 1.5 hours I have before Evi wakes up this morning, I figured I would go ahead and address the issue of my body image, weight, and overall health.  It’s been on my mind alot lately (one might say weighing on my mind…  *drum hit*) and I feel like I just need to get it out there.

I make a lot of declarations about my weight and/or health.  My blog is littered with posts about eating better, finally committing to exercise, trying harder, losing weight… and for whatever reason, I just can’t get motivated right now.  The two times I have been really successful at losing the weight I wanted were before we got married, and when we were trying to get pregnant with Evi.  When those have been the motivations that worked for me, I am finding it difficult to find everyday things (even big things like my own health) hard to hang on to.

A big part of it, in some strange way, is that I feel pretty good physically.  I mean, I am not happy with the way I look right now, but I am not having joint pain or soreness.  I can move around a lot without getting tired or worn out.  I am feeling healthy and strong for the most part, but I know that no matter what I say, this extra weight I am carrying is NOT healthy for me.  Even if I am fine now, I could be that much better if I could shed some pounds.

Of course, this is also about how I look.  It’s about wearing the same basic outfit every day because I know it fits and doesn’t look to terribly bad.  It’s about feeling self conscious when I get out of the shower when Aaron is home, because I know how much my body has changed and now I feel like I look even bigger than I did the last time I was at this same weight.

Childbirth is the great redistributer of body fat, and now I don’t recognize my own body anymore.  It looks… different, and clothes fit differently too.  I want to be comfortable in my own skin again, and so I am considering my options.  I am hesitant to even say that I want to do anything in particular, because I so often don’t stick with it.

I started to change the wording on that last sentence.  I started to change “don’t” to “am not able to.”  But we all know that isn’t true.  I CAN do this.  I just don’t.  Changing the wording helps me feel like it’s not my fault somehow, when really it is.  I know I can pass off some of the blame because being a new mom is a lot of work.

But that’s just it.  I don’t want to pass the blame anymore.  I don’t know how to get started now, how to motivate myself to really get up and get moving, but I really, really want to try.  I am considering reawakening Maya, my personal trainer.  We’ll see…

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4 Responses to “Rather Weighty, This…”

  1. pinktattoochick December 9, 2009 at 6:30 pm #

    I believe you can do it if you put your mind to it. I’ll be sending good vibes your way 🙂

  2. SecondaryMom December 9, 2009 at 7:36 pm #

    It is really hard to get and stay motivated. One thing that helped me was to set up mini goals and rewards. For every five pounds lost I got a reward. So far I’m ten pounds down and have given myself some gorgeous Amy Butler fabric and new make up.

    You can do this, just put one foot in front of other….

  3. a December 9, 2009 at 9:15 pm #

    It’s very hard to be motivated to change from easy to healthy. I wish I had something to offer other than commiseration.

  4. Caryn December 10, 2009 at 8:03 am #

    I’m with SecondaryMom… small goals have helped me. The final goal seemed so far away, so I gave myself mini-goals along the way. It feels like less of a massive undertaking that way.

    I know you’ll find what works for you. *hug*

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