Lioness

30 Jun

Today, in my quiet and safe neighborhood, a woman was apparently shot by a random man with a gun.  She was airlifted out of the neighborhood, the cops shut down the whole area, and we are still barricaded indoors awaiting news (from a friend with a police scanner) about whether or not it’s safe to venture out of doors.

To make my fears (which are already edging on the irrational) worse, it turns out that Evi and I were out for our morning walk right when this happened.  Now honestly, our neighborhood is HUGE… so if the whole thing happened on the other side of the community it would be akin to saying it happened two miles away.  So I still have no idea whether or not we’re in any real danger.

Am I scared?  Sure, a little.  I’m certainly not going outside.  What gets me, though, is how different the fear is for me now.  A few years ago we lived in an apartment complex that was almost completely surrounded by a… less than safe neighborhood.  While we lived there, the pizza guy was held up at gunpoint.  I remember being unsettled by it, but not particularly concerned.  This morning, when Aaron called to tell me what our friend had heard on his scanner (I knew nothing about what was happening until he called) I was immediately nauseous.

God, I was just out there with my baby.

I was nearly paralyzed by just the thought that something could happen to her.  I’ve never, never been so deeply terrified of a possibility.  As I sit her beside her, watching her sleep peacefully wrapped in a pastel blanket… as her chest rises and falls in the soft and slightly uneven rhythm of toddler sleep… as her fingers twitch now and then or she wiggles her pacifier, I am overtaken by a fierce, passionate, primal need to protect her.  I have perfectly satisfying visions of marching out the door, spear in hand, to thrash the sabertooth tiger who dared threaten my child.  At first I entertained fears about what I’d do if, panicked and chased by police, this gun toting maniac broke into our home….

and then it occurred to me, with a clarity unburdened by guilt, that I would kill him without remorse.  Knives, chairs, my own bare hands… it wouldn’t matter.  He would not touch my child, not make a move to harm her.  I’d be hard pressed not to kill him for just scaring her.

agressive lionesssource

So wherever you are, you vile criminal… watch where you venture today.  Here you’ll find nothing but teeth and claws.

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More from me:

New recipes and wine articles

Review: Morningstar black bean burgers

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3 Responses to “Lioness”

  1. TechyDad June 30, 2010 at 2:01 pm #

    A few years back, someone started ringing our doorbell and banging on our door at 2am. As I peaked out of my son’s window (which faces the front doorstep), my wife called 911. He kept disappearing around the back of our house and reappearing so I grabbed a hammer (the best weapon I could find). He spotted me peeking out the window and began pounding hard on the window demanding to be let in. I yelled at my wife to take our son out of the room while I prepared to fend him off should he break through.

    As I yelled at him that we had already called the police, I found myself thinking “If I use the claw end of the hammer, I’ll do more damage to his head.” Now, I’m not a violent man at all. I’ll walk away from a thousand insults rather than swinging a single fist. But this guy was possibly threatening my wife and child and I *was* going to defend them even if it meant killing! (Notice I didn’t say he was threatening me… at that point, my own safety didn’t matter to me.)

    It turned out to be a drunk college kid who was *very* lost. He sobered up quite quickly when a few BIG police dogs cornered him. We didn’t press charges and the police escorted him to his friend’s house (across a major road and about three blocks away).

    I can completely sympathize. When your child (or other loved one) is threatened, a mom or dad can become quite aggressive.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Product review: Morningstar black bean burgers « Skinny Sushi - June 30, 2010

    […] Lioness […]

  2. Tweets that mention Lioness « Yummy Sushi Pajamas -- Topsy.com - June 30, 2010

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by TechyDad. TechyDad said: RT @SkinnySushi Only fools venture too near a lioness and her cub… http://bit.ly/bRXe3t => I've had moments like that. […]

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