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Truly, Madly

12 Jul

A friend of mine posted the following on her Facebook page:

Marriage is not only about how madly in love you are through the good times, but how strongly committed you are through the bad ones! Love is not always convenient, but if it is true love, it will outlast any strain, overcome any obstacle, & grow consistently & exponentially for all eternity.

Being both naturally argumentative and a die-hard romantic, I had to disagree.  I mean yes, I get her point and she’s right to a degree.  Of course the strength of a marriage lies in how you weather the storms.  Aaron and I certainly learned a lot of important things about how much we could rely on one another when we lost Aodin.  So yes, marriage is about outlasting adversity.

My issue is that quotes like make me feel like people want an excuse.  People want to be able to say that it’s alright that they aren’t still madly, goo-goo, nutso in love after however long.  Many, many people have told me that what I am about to say is naive and that it is unfairly holding others to my own standards…. but I can’t help how I feel.

If you’re doing it right, I can’t help but think you SHOULD be insanely in love forever.  It should never end.  You should always be as silly happy as you were in the very beginning.  Aaron and I were really proud that not long after our four year wedding anniversary we were mistaken for newlyweds by a photographer at an event.  The mistake, said the photographer, was thanks to our hand holding, adoring looks, lots of laughter… and she (a weddin photographer by trade) was shocked to hear we’d been married for several years already.

In case you’re curious, here’s the photo that resulted:

Not quite newlyweds...

Not quite newlyweds... close upDon’t we just look miserable?  Look, I know marriage is not always easy.  I know you’re going to get irritated with your spouse, you’re going to have arguments and disagreements, no matter who you are.  That’s all a normal part of sharing a life with someone.

However, I don’t care what anyone says.  I refuse to believe that you have to stop being happy, sappy, crazy in love.  To this day I get butterflies when Aaron comes home.  I still hold his hand and my tummy feels fluttery when he holds me in his arms.  He’s still my favorite place to be.

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More from me:

Mamavation Monday: bounce – the one where I FINALLY learn that it’s all about the journey

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Independence Guilt

4 Jul
Grande unsweetened iced passion tea - pic from my phone.

Grande unsweetened iced passion tea - pic from my phone.

I’m feeling especially guilty today.  I’m sitting in Starbucks, listening to hipster music and drinking an iced tea while trying not to be irritated that they are out of protein plates (my planned lunch) and apparently don’t have a working internet connection now that they’re wifi is free.  I’m trying not to let the stress talk me into buying a baked good, here in the land of notoriously unhealthy baked goods.

I had to take a break today, and I’m feeling incredibly guilty for it.  I woke up in a bad mood and stayed that way despite my best efforts to help it.  I was grumpy and angry and short tempered, and it was starting to wear on Aaron and Evi too.  In the end, I packed myself up (forgetting my laptop cord, of course) and headed off to Starbucks so I can get a break.

And here lies the guilt.  Why should I need a break from them, the very people I live for, the people I love the most in the world, the people who make me laugh and smile when nothing else can?  I feel like a terrible person for this.  I feel like I should have been able to suck it up, spend a day with my family, and be happy that I have them.  Instead, I’m holed up in a poorly stocked Starbucks, left with little more than coffee cake and mini donuts as lunch options, and hoping I can spend an hour or so here decompressing and return to my family with a smile.

Please, tell me this happens to you?  Tell me it’s normal for you to occasionally need some time away?  Tell me it’s alright that I’m secretly enjoying being all alone right now?  Also, as an aside, tell me it’s alright that I’m seriously annoyed by the chatty threesome that’s just come to invade my quiet corner despite the rest of the seating being totally empty…

Update: the time away was really surprisingly refreshing, and I had barbecue almonds for lunch.

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More from me:

Happy 4th – I need your fitness advice!

Happy Independence Day (plus an Eclipse review)

30 Day Slimdown RESULTS

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Blips

28 Jun

If you have a moment, please take some time to go and vote for my Mamavation application!  You can see my application video here, and you can “vote” for me by heading to Twitter and tweeting this: Hey @bookieboo! I want @SkinnySushi to be the next #Mamavation Mom. She has my support! http://bit.ly/zqUxa. As always, your support means SO much to me.

I’m super busy this week and feeling distracted, so here’s my post in bullets…

ASL alphabetsource

  • we saw some friends this weekend and one of them mentioned that the daycare where his five month old son is going will have him fully versed in sign language by one year old.  Evi is almost fourteen months and knows four signs. I might suck.
  • those same friends did not mention the fact that I am MUCH thinner than when they saw me last.  I continue to be puzzled by people’s reluctance to mention that you might look skinnier.
  • our second car is STILL not fixed.  Every time they fix something, they find some new problem.  Let this be a lesson to those of you who want to save money by buying a car at auction.  This one has been useless since DECEMBER and, as such, I have been housebound for as long.
  • What is the world coming to?  Italy, France, and the US are out of the World Cup?  We bought Evi an Italia tee shirt this weekend anyway, and she looks mighty cute in it.  I wanted one too, but I’m waiting for clearance sales.  I am cheap.
  • I may also suck as a wife.  I got excited for Fathers Day and (with Evi’s help) made Aaron a card.  I got him a copy of a book he wanted but since the book won’t be released until September, I also got him a three month subscription to a sci-fi book site where he can download books to his Kindle.  It was a great day, I made him breakfast and brownies.  And then I got to thinking… and decided I was irritated that I didn’t get a present on Mothers Day.  It’s not about getting “stuff” but… I was bugged.  When I said something to Aaron a few days later, he apologized and said that he’d tried to make sure I had a break on Mother’s Day and didn’t have to do anything in terms of cooking, cleaning, or child rearing.  And you know what?  He DID do that.  I so suck.  Upon further discussion, we realized it’s just a difference in how we acknowledge occasions.  I’m a present-giver, so for me it’s harder not to get a gift.  He’s an action guy, so he doesn’t mind no gifts if he gets something else, like a day off.  We’ve both agreed to do two things… #1 – work harder to acknowledge each other in ways that are meaningful to the receiver, and #2 – make sure we’re paying attention to the ways the other person might be acknowledging us in their way.

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More from me:

Mamavation Monday: motivation (includes a video blog!)

Beach and Picnic Wines

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Weekend & World Cup

11 Jun

We’ll be spending our weekend away from home in the hopes of (finally) fixing the car that’s been broken since December.  Although it’s going to be wonderful to have a car again and not be housebound all week long, I’m not looking forward to the weekend away.  I’m happy and comfortable at home and, in general, it’s a little stressful to spend the night somewhere else.  Evi doesn’t sleep as well, and I get stressed out about inconveniencing/bothering whoever we’re staying with if she cries at night.  We’re also going to have to bring the dog with us, which is just another bag full of stuff to have to pack.  We will be getting the chance to spend some time with Aaron’s Dad, who who don’t see nearly enough of, so I’m trying to focus on that.

Last night we discovered that our little tantrum thrower has TWO of her molars (premolars? big flat teeth?) broken through the gums now, so there’s a good chance we’ll see less of the tantrums now.  She’s got at least ten teeth at this point, and there’s a good chance there are more that we just haven’t seen yet.  She hates when we poke around in her mouth… which I can’t really blame her for.

I will be bringing the laptop along on our weekend, but I have no idea when/if we’ll have internet access, so here’s hoping you all have a fantastic weekend!

Much more importantly, the World Cup is here!!!  GO ITALY!!!

Italy World Cup face paint

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More from me:

Coffee & public nudity

Shorts are scary…

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My house owns me…

9 Jun

Rent or Ownsource

I love our house.  It’s beautiful, more than big enough for our needs, and the layout gives us a lot of options.  I feel really lucky to have a home that keeps us safe and happy.

And yet…  home ownership is SO MUCH WORK.  There is always something that needs doing, and since our house was a foreclosure it started out in worse shape than some.  We’ve already painted a few rooms, added window treatments in a few places (all were stripped by the previous owners), and obviously filled the place with out furniture.  Aaron has done tons of work outside to get the lawn (front and back) in working order.

But there is still so much to do, and there is always more.  The gutters need replacing, most of the house still needs painting (which is impossible with a toddler), there are still lots of window treatments to be put up, the floors in the kitchen and two ugly-carpeted rooms are in dire need of replacing, the cabinets need updating, the kitchen appliances need replacing, several windows need new screens, and the backyard needs landscaping… and that’s just the bare minimum so that we could get a decent price for it if we ever wanted to sell.  To make it our dream house… well it would need a much longer list.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it.  I know renting means it’s not yours and you have to put up with rent hikes and management changes that can be irritating.  We rented for a long time and we had some issues there too… but I sort of miss having someone else mow the lawn and fix the broken showerhead.  Is that insane?

Honestly, if it were up to me I think I’d rent forever.  Alas, it’s important to Aaron to own, and it certainly has tax benefits and a certain sense of security… so I guess I’ll just go back to making the to-do list and remembering how very lucky I am to have a house to complain about in the first place.

Do you rent or own?  What do you like or hate about your situation?

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More from me:

weight loss & vegetables

Natural wines: organic & biodynamic

Talking about religion on the internet is scary, so brace yourself… Raising a churchless child

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Balance

8 Jun

balance beamsource

My two month writing experiment is coming to an end, while at the same time I am facing the possibility that my graduate scholarship will end even earlier than I originally thought.  I’m trying to register for fall classes, barely hanging on to my motivation to stay healthy, and searching desperately for a writing job… or, let’s face it, ANY job that would keep me home with Evi.  At this point I’ve basically abandoned any thoughts of finding a job that plays to my passion…  sometimes I think that’s not a very grown up way of thinking anyway.  As it stands now, I’ll do whatever job keeps me home with my daughter.  I have a lot of strengths and talents, so if I can find something that uses one of those, even if it doesn’t play to my interests, I will make it work.  I’m a smart woman and a hard worker, so I know I can do any job well if given the chance.

So if you know of any jobs where I might be able to work from home, send me an email at yummysushipajamas (aT) gmail (DoT) com, okay?

I’m still feeling pretty worn out from being sick yesterday, so I’m trying to find the balance today between getting back to my workout routine and not pushing myself too hard right away.  I’ll definitely be headed out for a morning walk with Evi this morning, and then likely taking a nap when she does.  I feel like balance is the big theme in my life right now, and maybe always?  Balance between fitness and health, between money and time, between family and self, between work and school… and I just hope I can find a way to make it all work.

Although it was probably a really bad financial decision, we decided we’d maintain some work/life balance and reduce Aaron’s work related stress by going to spend a week in Florida in September visiting my parents.  It will be a fantastic vacation from work for Aaron, a much needed time with my mommy for me, and an important time for Evi to spend with her beloved grandparents.  Starting next year, she’ll be spending a week with them every summer, so we want her to be spending as much time as possible with them leading up to that so that she’s used to them and can look forward to her special grandparents week.  Since my parents are the only ones far enough away to not be able to see her on a regular basis, they get a dedicated week to spend with her.  It will also be a nice time for Aaron and I to spend together without being “parents,” although I’m terrified I’ll miss her too much to enjoy the time.

It feels like the summer is already flying by.  We might have our second car fixed (finally) in the coming weeks, which will be a nice chance for me to get out of the house.  I’m thinking about taking Evi for swimming lessons at the local pool, and we’ll definitely be heading to the library for some storytime.  It will be a nice chance to get out of the house together.

That’s all I’ve got for today…  Leave comments and let me know if there’s something else you’d like to know!

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More from me:

Crawl, Walk, Run – exercise, running, and more

Wines of Puglia: southern Italian wines you might not know about

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House of Guilt

5 Jun

I have an extremely inconsiderate, self-indulgent gripe today.  I’m tired.  This week, complete with a sick little girl and a briefly malfunctioning air conditioner, has worn me out.  I intended to sleep in this morning, but ended up laying in bed wide awake for 45 minutes before giving up and coming downstairs….

…where I found my husband barely keeping it together with Evi because he has apparently come down with whatever she had this week.  I immediately felt… bad?  Sad?  Nope… irritated.  I felt bugged because it means I don’ t get a break today.  I got dressed and took Evi with me grocery shopping.

We came home, where she took the world’s shortest nap.  I did the dishes while she ate lunch, I scarfed some leftovers for my own lunch, and now I’m frantically typing this while trying to keep her from waking up her sick, sleeping Dad.

I totally suck.  Of course I DO feel bad for him and wish he wasn’t sick.  I just want a break…

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More from me:

Food bloggers are idiots

Tempranillo wines from Spain, Argentina, Australia, and California

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